In the biblical book of Proverbs the writer makes the following statement,
"To answer before listening— that is folly and shame." - Proverbs 18:13
Today I saw my own folly and shame. Why? Because I made assertions and statements before listening. Maybe you know what this feels like. You spout off about something or someone - only to discover that if you had listened just a bit longer to what was really going on, you would never have said what you said. Or, you think things in the quietness of your own heart, letting these thoughts or ideas run wild inside yourself until the come to rest in a place of conviction - only to discover that if you had listened a bit longer you would never have come to the conclusions that you did.
I did that - and this morning I felt a bit of the folly and shame that comes with not listening.
The person I was listening to had a lot of passion, perhaps even more conviction. This person knew what they wanted, had a deep sense of what they were made to do in this world. And, had I asked about this first, and then listened - well, I bet I wouldn't have felt the folly of speaking first and listening later.
So, at the end of the day I am a person - with a lot of my own junk, opinions, biases and thoughts about things. However, today I learned a lesson in humility - listen first. I should have done that. Had I, I am pretty sure I could have avoided misperceptions and a measure of conflict.
in the wake of this valuable conversation I think I have at least two really great things that are good news.
The first thing that is good news is that I think I made a friend and ally.
The second piece of good news? Together we created tension. That's right, tension. There were moments in the conversation where it was quite palpable. However, better than a problem to be solved, this tension is the sort of thing that makes me grow, pushes me, stretches my thoughts and perspective - and in that way is a really good thing.
Perhaps this is one of the greatest learnings of all from my morning coffee with my new friend. When I was driving to this conversation I had today it felt like there would be a problem to be solved. However, after listening, I think that had we "solved" it (ie made all the tension go away by either refusing to talk more or simply affirming one another's biases) we might have lost something important. Instead, we walked away as two people who share a lot of common convictions - but who hold these things in different ways and as a result there is a bit of tension. However, I don't want to solve it by getting rid of it. Instead, I am glad - even grateful for it. It's this very tension that is going to make me have to grow, learn and be challenged.
This leads to, perhaps the best part of the morning for me: I think that because we both are trying to be followers of Jesus and invite others to discover the miracle of a life with Jesus Christ - we discovered that greater than our tension is the goodness of being part of what the Bible calls the "body of Christ." The fact is that we did and likely will disagree - but for a moment or two this morning I think that we realized that greater than our disagreements is the unity that we can have as fellow Christ followers.
